I Sucked at Leadership — Because I Tried to Be the Hero
I got promoted — no confetti, just more responsibility. Suddenly, my team came to me with constant questions, and I did what made me successful: I solved everything. It felt like leadership… until I became the bottleneck. This post is about the painful shift from doer to leader — and how I’m learning to enable instead of execute.
About a one and a half years ago, I got promoted.
No big announcement, no confetti — just the logical next step.
I had good ideas, executed fast, delivered results.
Perfect, right?
Now I was responsible for a team.
Still perfect? Not quite.
No coaching, no onboarding — just the classic startup move: “You’re good at your job, now lead people doing it.”
My workload? Same.
My mindset? Same.
The only thing that changed was this:
Suddenly, people came to me with questions. Constantly.
“How should we handle this?”
“Can you check that?”
“I’m not sure how to approach this problem.”
And what did I do?
Exactly what got me promoted in the first place — I solved it.
I found the answer, implemented it, moved on.
Sounds like good leadership, right?
Let me give you a hint: It wasn’t.
The trap: from doer to bottleneck
The more problems I solved, the more problems came to me.
At first, it felt really good.
People needed me, I solved problems, people were happy.
But — my to-do list exploded. I was working harder than ever, but somehow the team didn’t grow.
They became dependent on me.
I was proud of being efficient — but my efficiency was the bottleneck.
I was outpacing the team, making them feel left behind and underchallenged.
They started to disengage. I started to burn out.
I was trapped in a vicious cycle:
- I solve things because I think I’m helping.
- They stop taking ownership because I always step in.
- I take on even more because otherwise nothing moves.
And at some point, no one really knows what I do anymore — not even me.
The realization: it’s a different job
It took me a while to understand something painfully simple:
Leadership isn’t an extension of your old job — it’s a different one.
You can’t keep your old workload and “just add” management on top.
You can’t expect to lead a team effectively if you’re buried in operational work.
Leading requires space — time to think, to plan, to align.
Projects have to be set up so someone else than you can lead them.
That means stepping back from execution.
It means letting others take the wheel — even if you feel you could drive faster.
It’s uncomfortable. It feels like losing control. It feels like getting less important.
But it’s the only way to grow beyond yourself. And the only way for your team to work.
The shift: From solving to enabling
Here’s what I’ve learned — and am still learning.
1. Ask: is this a “me” problem or a “you” problem?
Whenever someone brings me a problem, I ask myself:
Is this something I need to solve (me problem) — or something they should solve (you problem)?
It sounds a little harsh, but I my brain needs this harsh differentiation.
If it’s a “me” problem, I rush to the solution straight.
If it’s a “you” problem (which it mostly is), I help by asking questions that guide them to their own solution.
But I make sure the ownership stays with them.
Do I always succeed? No.
But I’m getting better.
2. Stop building solutions. Start building systems.
If a problem keeps coming back, it’s not an individual issue — it’s a systemic one.
That’s when I start designing a system.
For me, that looks like this:
- I map out the process on a Miro board
- Automate repetitive steps in n8n or the relevant tools
- Pick my most trusted team-member and discuss and improve it with her/him
- Train the team on how to use it
- Assign an owner who continuously improves it
That’s when the magic happens — because suddenly, things start running without me.
3. Letting go is a skill
Letting go isn’t passive — it’s work.
It requires patience, trust, and a willingness to watch others figure things out their own way.
It’s hard. You’ll want to jump in.
But every time someone on your team solves a problem without you, that’s progress.
And it feels good for both sides.
Has the problem disappeared?
No.
But I can see the change.
My team is solving more on their own. They’re more confident.
And I’m spending more time on the things that actually move the company forward.
It’s a slow transition — from being the hero to building the system.
But once you feel that shift, you never want to go back.
Because leadership isn’t about being the center of everything.
It’s about making sure things work even when you’re not there.
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this, feel free to follow me on X or LinkedIn — or check out my other notes.